Answers

A contemplative mood came over me tonight. My mind wandered back to the times in my life I've faced a big decision. I remembered my desperate groping for answers, the long periods of waiting, the gut-twisting uncertainty. And all of a sudden I realized just how wise God was to delay the answer, and take me on a journey.

"This, or that?"

I scratch my head.

All of my reasons, so carefully formed

Still crumble into uncertainty.

How can I be sure?

I throw up my hands - it's too hard!

Why can't You write it on a wall?

Send an angel?

Give me a sign?

Why are You silent?

As I stand, hesitating,

Trembling at a fork in the road,

I wonder why You always ask me to wait.

But maybe -

Just maybe -  it's not about the answer.

What if -

It's about the process?

Giving a deep desire to God

Over

And over

And over again.

Watching Him change my thinking,

Bringing my wavering will

Into harmony with His own.

Solid and sure.

Discovering a part of me I didn't know existed.

Good, or bad.

Developing it, or rooting it out.

Becoming a stronger person.

Reveling in the nearness of my God,

His goodness,

His unutterable love,

His intense interest in my life.

The answer fades in importance.

Eventually, it will come;

That is not my concern.

I lose so much when,

Obsessed with the destination,

I do not throw myself whole-heartedly into the journey.